Introduction from What Your Mama Can't or Won't Teach You

I am so thrilled that this book, which was a mere musing over a year ago, has come into being. My hope is that reading other women’s stories of adolescence will provide you with some wisdom, guidance, laughter, healing, or just plain old comfort. Adolescence sure isn’t an easy ride and I’m amazed that most of us survive it one piece! I always tell my friends that I hope that there’s no such thing as reincarnation because I wouldn’t want to come back in another life and have to be a teenager all over again!

Let’s face it – being a teen can really suck. I know because I’ve been there and so have the women in this book. Their stories are all different, as are their ages, cultures, and backgrounds. There’s a reason I chose this variety of women – to give you, the reader, a variety of perspectives and experiences to learn from.

Whether you’re a teen yourself or a woman of any age, I’m certain that you’ll find this book both thought provoking and insightful. I hand-picked 20 women and interviewed each of them for an hour on their experiences of being a teen and what they’ve learned since then. I then transcribed each interview into the written form and each interview took me eight hours to write out. I was quite exhausted by the end of it. I then cut and pasted each woman’s story into the chapter headings to make them flow. Finally, I sat down and spent hours editing each chapter until I was satisfied with the result.

Why would I undertake such a grueling task? Because as a woman and a therapist, I have come to learn that this is how females learn best: from listening to other women’s stories who have walked the path before us. I feel very strongly because of my work and my own experience that we, as women, are severely lacking healthy female role models to guide us on our path to womanhood and that we need more stories to learn from that come from real women like ourselves. If we leave it up to the current pop culture to guide us, we end up in big trouble because the images of women out there are unattainable, unrealistic, and often demeaning. They often have little, if any relevance, to the average woman’s life experience. Therefore, we cannot draw the wisdom and guidance we so need during our formative years as young women. In order to improve the quality of women’s lives in a far-reaching way, a portion of the proceeds from this book will be donated to non-profit organizations that are working towards improving the lives of women internationally.

I got the ideas for each chapter by interviewing a number of teen girls in my professional and personal life and asked them simply, “If there was a book out there that could help guide you in your path to womanhood, what topics would you want to read about?” Hence, I can’t take credit for the topics or the content of this book as it came directly from a community of women of all different ages and backgrounds.

I also got the idea for this book because I had a really troubled teen life and it was sheer hell getting to where I am today. When I was a teen, I nearly died of an eating disorder, was in several abusive relationships, and had absolutely no self-esteem or confidence in my abilities. I wish desperately that I had had a book like this one when I was going through some really confusing and rough times in my younger years. After interviewing the women for this book and reading their stories, I am clear that such a book would have been a Godsend for me back then.

But even though I didn’t have it then, putting it together in my 30s has helped me to make sense of some really hard times when I was becoming a woman. Through listening to other women’s stories about teen life, I was able to see that every young woman goes through similar things and that for better or for worse, these experiences are often essential in shaping who we become as adult women. I really believe that we are all on a similar path and can guide each other to where we want to go as women. This book is an attempt to help get you there. So curl up with a cozy blanket and a mug of tea and learn from these amazing women. Enjoy!

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